Confused
by FairyNiamh
Summary: Xander is confused and wigged out by the blatant stares. Willow had to have whammied him again, right?


Thanks to DrivvenWrinth for being a wonderful Beta and dedicated to Kimalis because she encouraged me to continue to write. Pre-slash Spike/Xander... if you squint and look at it just right. This story really has no plot... I have no idea where it came from, but I hope you, as a reader, enjoy it.

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Xander trudged tiredly to Buffy's house. Work had been hard today, especially with the high temperatures. He _didn't_ want to go to the damned Scooby meeting tonight. No, he wanted to go to his tiny apartment, have a quick shower, some food, and then veg out on the couch until he fell asleep.

True it wasn't much of a plan, and he would have to repeat the process tomorrow, but it was a plan. A thwarted plan when Willow had called his cell and told him that they had a very important meeting tonight. Something about souls and demons, so that meant it had to be about Angel. Just the vamp he never wanted to hear about again. Well, unless it was Spike verbally cutting his sire into tiny pieces. He did enjoy that; perhaps, too much at times.

He glanced over and noticed a sprinkler running. He paused and bit his bottom lip; it was just too perfect of an opportunity to pass by. He wanted to at least wash away some of his sweat before going over to the meeting. After all girls were repulsed by sweaty men right?

He did a quick check of the area and after making sure it was free of anyone he hopped the fence and strolled over to the running sprinkler. He sighed as soon as the cool water hit his heated flesh. Yeah, he needed this. He quickly removed his now soaked shirt and enjoyed himself.

He hadn't noticed that he was swaying with the sprinkler, nor did he notice that he had more than a few people peeking out of their window following his show avidly. He closed his eyes and ran his hands up his chest and through his hair while throwing his head back. He was lost in the sensation until the porch light came on. He whipped around and saw a middle aged woman looking at him.

"Sorry, I was hot and it was here and - sorry, I won't do it again," Xander stammered out while looking for his discarded shirt.

"Oh I don't mind honey. It's a very _hot_ night out after all. In fact, you can just feel free to use my sprinkler… or shower… or anything else anytime you _feel_ like it," her creepy words finally hit Xander's brain when he noticed that she was eying him up and down and licking her lips.

"Right, umm thanks, but I have - I have to go. My friends are expecting me," He explained while looking around and finally noticing the various women and _men_ looking from their windows. "Yeah, really have to go now. Thanks for the offer… bye."

On the word 'bye', Xander took off to Buffy's house at a full run, not slowing until he finally reached his destination. Willow must have done a spell on him, something like what was done to him in high school, for this freakishness happen. He yanked open the front door then quickly closed it behind him before leaning against it panting.

"W-Willow, did you put a spell on me again?" Xander asked once he had caught his breath. He didn't notice Buffy eying him in appreciation. Didn't notice Tara and Willow blushing. He definitely didn't notice the resident vampire licking his lips.

"NO! I haven't done any spells in a while. I'm on probation, remember?" Willow reminded him while looking away from her friend.

"Are you sure? Cause let me tell you something, weirdness abounds!" Xander confessed, because man was he at a loss to explain it any other way.

"Yes I'm sure! You can ask Tara or Giles, I am innocent," she insisted.

"She- she hasn't done any-anything Xander. I promise," The innocent girl stated while blushing even harder.

"Then what the hell is with the sudden weirdness?" Xander whined desperately and loudly.

"What weirdness would that be?" Giles inquired while walking into the room. His eyes never leaving his book

"The weirdness of people looking at me like I am a piece of prime rib and they are starving!" Xander replied still slightly panting from his quick escape from the Twilight Zone.

"Surely you are exaggerating. I am sure they were not… oh, good lord," The older man gasped as he looked at the young man.

"I am not exaggerating!" Xander yelled while looking around the room before continuing with a whine, "And now Buffy is looking at me weird. Make her stop."

"Perhaps you should tell me everything from the beginning," Giles suggested while looking at the ceiling.

Xander quickly told the tale and then his suspicions of a spell being put on him.

"So, you were half naked and playing in water; and you are surprised that the women were staring at you; why?" The elder man queried while polishing his glasses and avoiding looking at the half naked young man. Giles was older, not dead, nor blind; thank you very much.

"Well they've never looked at me like that before. So, there must be a spell," Xander explained with a knowing nod.

"You've not looked in the mirror lately have ya whelp?" Spike questioned as he raked his eyes appreciatively over the still half naked man.

Xander bared his human teeth at the blond vamp before replying; "I look in the mirror every morning fang-less. Unlike you, I can _see_ myself in a mirror. So Tara, can you break this curse - spell or whatever it is on me."

"I-I don't th-think that it's a spell," Tara stammered.

"I think she's correct Xander. I am sure all of this has a very logical explanation," 'and please do not ask me what it is.' Giles silently added.

"Really? Then do please enlighten me. And Buffy would you please stop staring at me! It's creeping me out," Xander huffed while crossing his arms over his exposed chest.

"Well, it could be because your job has been doin' you good, pet. Why the hell did you hide that body under all those baggy clothes? Hell if I had known ya looked like that I would have been seducing you and not botherin' the slayer," Spike replied while inching his way toward the tanned man.

"You know he's right Xan, I mean damn; you look good. You know, since I am your friend perhaps you wouldn't mind re-enacting that scene you described?" Buffy begged while looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Yes I would mind and back off bleachie. There will be no gay touchiness of the body. Willow, help!"

"I think I want to see it too, sorry." The redhead bit her lip as she eyed him.

"Hey, you're gay! You should be thinking that way about Tara or Buffy!" Xander cried out.

"Gay, not blind! Besides I think Tara would enjoy the show as well." Willow smiled as she openly checked out her friend.

"I-I wouldn't mind it." Tara admitted with a sly look on her face.

"Giles! Make them stop," the young man whined.

"Perhaps you should consider putting your shirt back on," Giles said with a slight cough. It would never do if any of the others were to discover that the sight of a half-naked... well-muscled... dripping wet... He gave himself a mental slap before he could finish that thought.

"Good idea," Xander muttered while struggling into his still wet white t-shirt.

"Nope, no good whelp, you still have the Slayers eyes trained on you and I think she's drooling. So tell me, were there any men looking at you?" Spike asked with a creepy smile.

"Shut up," Xander ground between gritted teeth as he blushed and re-crossed his arms. This night was just too weird to be believable.

He stormed out of the Magic Shop and ran home. He needed a do over real bad. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day. He could only hope. If he saw Spike following him, well he never complained.

~Fin~


End file.
